Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got inside last night via doggy door
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
