She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
