I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
