I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
