Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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