I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
