WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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