he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
