May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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