3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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