I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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