Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You need a sexual gate keeper
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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