this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
