I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
