We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
