..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
