vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
