My sheets look like a crime scene.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
