Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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