STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
