i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
