Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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