Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
