He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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