I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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