We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
