You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
