my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
