You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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