I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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