at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
