She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
