What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
