come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
