I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
