Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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