I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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