Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
