the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
