And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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