Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
