WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
