I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
