I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
