shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
