I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
