Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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