you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
