I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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