Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
