Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
